Dear Children

Dear Children,

As you get older and wiser you will begin to think that I have gotten older and dumber. This is not the case. Please understand this now. It will save us both a lot of time and anguish.

I was once your age. (Yes it was in the "olden days".) I thought MY parents didn't know anything. I thought I was smarter than them. I thought I knew all the tricks. My friends even shared some things that worked with their parents. I've tried them ALL. And the ones that I didn't try, your father did. Sure we got away with some things, but believe me, my parents knew I was up to something.

So, here is a list of excuses that don't work:
General excuses
1. All my friends are doing it. (We've already had the bridge talk, you know the one.)
2. I need ______ to be cool. (Already done this too. You're cool in my book and that's all that matters. Someday you'll understand.)
3. It's not fair. (Life isn't fair. I'm teaching you this lesson early so you're not disappointed as an adult.)
Curfew related excuses
4. The payphone ate my quarter. (I've used every variation of this excuse. And, yes, we had pay phones in the olden days. This excuse works even less these days when everyone- except you, I know- has a cell phone.)
5. I fell asleep watching the movie. (Been there done that. No teenager falls asleep, much less watches a movie. Most of the time laughing and gossipping are going on during the movie.)
6. The car broke down/had a flat tire/ran out of gas. (Nope, not believing it.)
7. My watch died. (Definitely not. There are clocks everywhere, not only on your wrist.)
8. I forgot about daylight savings time. (No such thing here in AZ! Ha at least I got to try it when I lived in NY.)
9. I got sick. (Then you should have been home even earlier!)
10. I got lost. (Too bad we now live in the information age and directions are a phone call, button click or computer screen away.)

I'm sure you'll think of new ones. And I'm sure I'll blow all your devious plans to hell when I figure them out.
Just know that I love you and that's why I'm the mean mom. One day you will understand. I promise. Until then, take my word for it. It's NOT worth it.

Love, Mom

This was part of a group writing project called "Dear Children" hosted by Jordan at http://www.mamablogga.com/

Picture Wednesday

We've had a busy week!

The boys got new jammies!

Carissa played in the last band concert of the year.

Jocelyn had the chicken pox!

Carissa got her Girl Scout awards. She earned the Bronze Award this year. Tomorrow she will be bridging to Cadettes.

Jocelyn learned a cute new face.

And she learned that self feeding is FUN!

She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb

I just finished reading this book for book club. I really liked it. I'm not much of a literary aficionado, give me a mystery or love story anyday. But, I understood a lot of the symbolism in this book. Usually I just read because I enjoy the story.

I'll never forget English 102. My teacher was about 80 years old. She loved to have us study poems to find "the real meaning". I never understood why the author didn't just right what he meant. This particular teacher thought that ALL poems were about sex. Every single one we read would lead back to sex. It was very weird. The class would have all of these other theories, but she would always tell us we were wrong. Who was she to say? Did she know the author? What if he was just admiring the flowers and wasn't thinking of taking someone's virginity?

Anyway, in case you haven't read the book, it's about Dolores. The book starts when she is a young girl. A series of events happen (her mother has a miscarriage, her parents divorce, her mom enters a mental hospital, she moves in with her grandmother) to cause her to self-destruct through eating. The story follows her through her trials and tribulations. It's almost a self-help book in that I saw a lot of myself in Dolores. Sometimes you want to wring her neck and other times you want to cry with her. The most interesting aspect is that the book is written by a MAN!

Any suggestions for my next book?

Question Meme

If tomorrow you woke up with amnesia:

What do you think you’d do firstly?
Probably scream. And cry. I'm not sure what else I could do. Maybe find someone and see if they knew me.
Would you trust the first person who tells you, about you (like a family member)?
I think I would have to. It would be the only information that I had. And I'm a pretty trusting person to begin with.
You found out about a bad past.. would you still want to know who you really are?
Hmmm, maybe not. Depending how bad it was I'd probably just want to start over. I had a really shitty time in high school and moved after I graduation, I pretty much rewrote my life. Nothing is the same now as it was before (except my family). I guess I take opportunities like this to turn over a new leaf.
You fell in love with a foreigner from another country. would you take off with him/her and move on with your new life?
If I was truly in love, probably. Although, if I had any inkling that I had had children before the amnesia I probably wouldn't leave until I found out for sure.
Your memory’s back! would you go back to old habits, or start your life afresh?
Depdends what my committments were. If I had a husband and children then I would go back to them. If I was just a single person and had started this great new lift then I'd continue on that path.

If you are so inclined, answer these same questions in the comments or on your own blog.
Grey's Anatomy girls I EXPECT YOUR ANSWERS!

What do you want to be when you grow up?

This question has been plaguing me for 30 years. I just don't know. I was taught that I could do anything, be anything. That leaves a lot of possibilities! The world is such a big, wonderful place that I'm not sure I can decide. I have so many interests and hobbies that anyone of them could develop into a career. It seems like every time I "plan" to take a career path something life changing happens and I go down a different road.

My original plan was to become a Medical Examiner. I was going to go to medical school and major in forensic pathology. Except that I started goofing off my senior year of high school and my parents informed me that I needed to move out and there were no funds for college.

Next, I thought I'd become a nurse. Preferably a pediatric nurse. I got as far as my nursing assistant certification and became pregnant. At this point I couldn't afford to go to school full time, I needed a job. So, I settled at a bank and later at an insurance agency.

Then, I thought I'd become a Crime Scene Investigator. In the same field as a Medical Examiner, but much less schooling. I really enjoyed the classes that I took and thought it was definitely the job for me. But, in one of those classes I met my future husband. We started dating and then moved in together. Three classes away from my degree he was offered a job with the Border Patrol and had to move to tiny, godforsaken Ajo. I had a choice: follow my career choice or follow my heart. I chose my heart.

If you've ever been to that tiny little border town you know that there is NOTHING there. Literally nothing. No name brand stores, no fast food, no hospital, NOTHING! It looked like I'd reached a dead end. I tried to take some online classes, but it was too difficult and wasn't leading anywhere. I was lucky enough to get a job with the government in criminal justice. It was in juvenile probation. I liked it, but then we transferred to Tucson.

When we got to Tucson I wanted to transfer within the government. So, I applied for and got a job as a Judicial Administrative Assistant. This is what I do currently. But, I am now in need of making another change. My judge will retire in three years and I don't know what I'll do with myself. I work part time right now, which I truly love. I'm sure I could find another job in the court, but it would probably be full time and I'm not sure this is the career I want.

Here are some ideas I've toyed around with:
midwife
open a bakery
open a spa
make wedding cakes from home
open a franchise, like Cold Stone Creamery
interior design
legal transcription

The possibilities are endless! Good thing I have some time to "get my ducks in a row".
I think I'll just teach my kids that they can only become doctors. Then they won't have the stress of trying to decide what to be!


Of course, I'm just kidding!

Picture Day!

Every Wednesday will now be picture day. Just know that I am an AMATEUR! I am no good at all, and I don't own Photoshop.

Here are some recent pics (most were taken at Chuck E Cheese with playgroup):

Robert and his future wife, Emma, in their redneck truck. Very mad that mean Mommy wouldn't let him push Jocelyn down the slide.
All better! Peek A Boo!

One more milestone passed. Boo hoo!

I've been tagged- twice!

My good friend Keara has tagged me. I now must share "7 Weird Things About You"
1. I love tattoos. I think they're sexy on guys- love a full sleeve and I love them on me too.
2. When I was younger I had an irrational fear of quicksand, I thought it was everywhere.
3. I bite my nails and cuticles. It's an awful habit that I cannot quit.
4. I am a huge bargain shopper. I clip coupons, check sales, search the Internet for discounts.
5. I would love to have a million children. If we had more money we would have had at least one more probably two.
6. I'm an office store junkie. I love to buy paper and pens and things like that. I get all happy if I get a cool looking notebook.
7. My original career path was to become a medical examiner. I even did an internship in the MEs office one summer.

Now, I must tag five others to complete this list (hopefully I won't duplicate any that have already been chosen). I choose: Susan, Helen, Nichole, Karen and Yan

Then, my wonderful friend Ingrid tagged me to list "10 things that make me feel warm and fuzzy inside".
1. Seeing my children play NICELY together.
2. Having one of the kids tell me they love me.
3. Having my husband tell me he loves me.
4. Finding love notes from my husband.
5. Newborn babies
6. Watching my children sleep
7. Laughing with friends.
8. Feeding people
9. Getting my groove on
10. Getting something unexpected from a friend in the mail

And I tag Kulia, Sara, Colleen, Noah and Andrea (yes, Andrea you will have to post on your blog!).

Identity Theft

So, last night I received a call from American Express verifiying that I had applied for a card. They were concerned that I listed a Tampa, FL address that does not match my credit report. I inform them that I don't live in Tampa and that I never applied for a card. They inform me that some jackass must have stolen my identity. GREAT! We go through the whole process and they cancel the application and report it as identity theft. They give me all the info to put an alert on my social security number and my credit report- although I'm not sure I'll do that, a friend did and said it was nearly impossible for her to legitimately apply for credit.

But, it got me thinking- if you want to be me, then you can't just take the good stuff, the money, you need to take it all. So, Mrs. Identity Theft (I'm assuming it's a woman because a man would have a hard time using my card) are you ready to step into my shoes? It would mean that you have to deal with a preteen daughter who, on a good day, considers you a witch, with a capital B. And a two year old who thinks mom's bed is a great place to be at 2 am and that a back massage given by feet and knees is a treat. Or the nine month old that decides 4am is a good time to wake up. Or, how about the house, dinner, the dog, all the bills. Yes, if you've got control of the money you better pay the bills too. And what about those crazy hormones. After four kids, everything is not right. Those mood swings are a bitch, are you sure you're ready for it.

Most importantly, if you want my name, then you've got to deal with what comes with it. That's right, the in laws. If I have to put up with them to have that name, then you sure as hell have to too. So, get ready for the crude jokes and the controlling phone calls. Expect those children to pick up so awful habits and expect to be the "family bitch" if you say anything about it. YOU deal with that stupid sister in law that considers herself a mother even though she's never cared for either of her girls. YOU deal with the weird brother in law that doesn't announce his marriage or divorce or child. Not to mention all the other crazies. Are you sure you've thought this out? Are you SURE you want to be me? Actually I think it's a fair trade. Sometimes I've wondered how much money it would take to make them go away.

So, if you're sure you want it, you've got it. I'll even mail you the card.

Closet Cusser

Yup, that's what I am. I don't know what my deal is. I grew up in a VERY conservative house. My parents never cussed around me. I still remember the first time my dad said "shit" around me. He actually apologized afterward, I was 11! I was always taught that people cussed because they were too stupid to find other words. I think that's where my problem started. It was such a taboo that I had to make a big deal out of it. So, I slowly started cussing around my friends at school, because that was cool! When I moved out on my own I could cuss wherever and whenever I wanted. So I did. Even some of my guy friends were amazed by my potty mouth. But, whenever I visited my parents I always stopped cussing. What the hell? I was a grown adult! But, I guess it's the whole pleasing the parents thing. Anyway, now I have children. So, I rarely cuss at home. My husband doesn't see anything wrong with cussing at home as long as the kids learn that those are "daddy's bad words" and you have to be "old" to use them. I think I've just gotten back into my old self, where I would filter it around my parents. But, I admit that when I'm at work I cuss my little head off. I just messed up a ruling that I was typing and let a big FUCK right out of my mouth! Thank God my boss wasn't here, because I kindof feel like she's my parent and I don't want to let her down. What is my deal? Can't I just come up with some other word to use? I do at home. Very weird.

So, if you ever see me around my parents or kids expect me to say, " Gosh darn son of a gun."
But, if it's Girls Night Out expect something more along the lines, " Goddamn son of a bitch!"

On the bandwagon

SO, I decided the join the blogging bandwagon. Please don't expect anything profound or humorous and even entertaining. But, anyone that knows me knows that I have a lot to say, so I need a place to say it. And PLEASE don't point out all my typos and grammar mistakes. I hated English in school, give me numbers anyday!
This will probably end up being a place for all of my cranky everyday annoyances to end up. Or my loud opinionated ramblings.