Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Why do I obsess?

Am I normal? Please tell me that you do this too!

Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night and think that someone is in the house? And then you run through all of the scenarios in your head? How to get the kids out? Do you call 911 and try to hide them? How do you get across the house without the intruder seeing you? Do you try to call attention to yourself so that the intruder stays away from the kids? What if he kills you, who will care for the kids? On and on and on until you've worked yourself into an anxiety attack and can't get back to sleep. (Once you realize that the noise was just the house settling.)

Or do you lay awake at night thinking about what you would do if the house caught on fire? How do you get all the kids out. I think I could get one or two, but will I have time to get to them all? And how do you choose which to go to first?

I swear it's enough to make me crazy. I don't know why I even put these thoughts into my head. And what's worse is that my husband works midnights a lot, so he's not there to protect me. And we have a split floor plan so my bedroom is across the house from the kids.

Why do I have to think the worst though. Why? Is it because I read too many murder mysteries? Or because my husband is in law enforcement? I don't know, but I wish I didn't.

I can barely even manage to watch the news. When I see a story about a child kidnapped or murdered my heart breaks. And I can't help thinking what it would be like if that happened to one of my children. I honestly don't know how these parents go on. I guess it helps to have other children to live for, but I think I'd be a complete mess for the rest of my life. Or kids who end up with a terminal illness. Just. breaks. my. heart.

Sometimes I think that it's good that I have these thoughts. It prevents me from being complacent and maybe it helps me prepare in case, God forbid, anything like this happens to us. We have been so fortunate and count our blessings that all of our kids are safe and healthy. My heart goes out to all the parents that cannot say the same.

10 comments:

Meghan said...

I can barely even manage to watch the news. When I see a story about a child kidnapped or murdered my heart breaks. And I can't help thinking what it would be like if that happened to one of my children. I honestly don't know how these parents go on. I guess it helps to have other children to live for, but I think I'd be a complete mess for the rest of my life. Or kids who end up with a terminal illness. Just. breaks. my. heart.

That could have been me writing that passage. Word for word. Because I don't watch or read the news much anymore, Rick recounts these stories to me. Um, dude... there's a reason I don't seek this stuff out.

Ingrid said...

You are so not alone. I have run some of those scenarios in my head when I am up at night: the fire, the home invasion, the motherless kids. I worry about the cats if the house catches fire while we are away. I worry about an intruder reaching Paula first because the master bedroom is in the back of the house.

I would never put a pool in my house, especially now that I now Isabel's fearless nature. I also need to make sure I put a bolt on the front door because she now knows how to unlock it.

Becky C. said...

I do this--LOL

and when you are home look at the fireman--I am far from being an expert in this kind of thing--but he looks pretty hot and BIG to me--LOL

~Becky

Becky C. said...

oh and on this Kitty Litter guy--it is not so much him as the women who defend him, they are too nice, as we all tend to be, and do not see the Supreme hate that underlies him. He is not like most guys, but he is the kind that gives them all a bad name.

Oh--and I am gonna send you an application for official Riot Grrl status--just a formality--you are it:)

~Becky

Laura said...

Oh Lori, it's so true. I'm right there with you. I've gone through those exact scenarios you've described in my own head numerous times. I keep my cell phone under my bed and rehearse what I would do if I heard someone in the house.

Ugh...it's so hard not to be consumed by the news stories. I can't watch. I can't even watch Law & Order or semi-violent movies anymore. It's just too much...

Mary Ann said...

I totally do the same thing, especially when Nathan is out of town. But the worst thing I have been thinking about lately, probably due to the tragedy in Minn. is being trapped in a sinking car in the river. AGH!!!! Makes me sick to think about trying to get kids out, etc... That would be a nightmare.

Corey~living and loving said...

Life is certainly full of all sorts of scary senarios huh? I tend to steer clear of the news also. Since becoming a mother, I take things so much more difficult. I don't like to subject myself to a lot of it.
good post!

Megan@SortaCrunchy said...

Oh, mama! I am right there with you on this. I just cannot watch the news anymore. The national news - sometimes. Local news? Forget it. They almost always lead off with "At six, an update on the mother charged with (fill in the blank of some horrific abuse." I. Cannot. Watch. (or listen!)

And I do the scenarios in my head, too. My big one is what would I do if someone broke in the house while Kyle is gone . . . Yeah, I can get obsessive.

Sahuarita said...

I hear ya!

I have nightterrors about such things.

CamiKaos said...

either you are normal or we're both insane. And so are some of my girlfriends.

I can't watch the news.