Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Have you ever

Been so pissed at someone that you didn't know what to do? Been so frustrated that you just didn't know how to get through to them? Tried talking to someone about what was bothering you only to get nowhere?

It seems that I'm in this place more often that I would like. I think part of it is that I still haven't learned "not to sweat the small stuff". So, small things bother me. And I can't let them go. And I take everything personally. Everything.

I try so hard to let things roll off my back, but it doesn't happen. Deep down my confidence cracks. Sometimes people don't even know that they can affect me this way. They may say something completely off the cuff and nonchalant and I'll sit and worry over it. I try to just let it go, but I can't.

But, I've learned a way to get past it without affecting anyone else. I write a letter to the person. I tell them how I'm feeling and how what they said affected me. I tell them how I would like them to handle it differently next time. I get it all out.

Now, you're asking, how does this not affect anyone else? Because I don't give it to them. I just sit on it. Sometimes I think about giving it to them, but usually not. I hold onto it for a day or two. Until I feel better. Then I shred it.

It's so freeing. I feel like I'm letting things go, yet I haven't projected my insecurities onto someone else. I've handled them myself. And it's teaching me that I can't change other people, but I can change how I'm affected by things they do to me.

I actually find that I'm a much more peaceful person this way. I used to be very confrontational with people, now I just let things go (in my own way).

How do you handle frustrations and conflict?

9 comments:

mielikki said...

Sometimes, I do that, too, the letter writing. It is rare that I give that to the person, though. Somehow, I've learnt not to sweat the small stuff, but the letter writing really helps.

sybil law said...

I blog about them. Screw 'em. :)
No, really. Well, I Do do that, but I talk to myself a lot, too.
I think your letter writing makes you much more sane than me. Haha

Corey~living and loving said...

I pee in their coffee......oh wait...no...I just saw that on "amazing videos"...okay...so that isn't me...

I do the same as you...I write about it...and never send it...usually an email.

good post idea.

DIXIECHICK said...

I too..sit and stew over things, when a person says something to me, that I know I shouldn't take to heart, but I do...the letter writing thing is a good idea...I might try it...

holly said...

i like this. i usually just stew about it until i can let it go. although *initially* i am quite angry about stuff, that wears off in a minute or two. blogging about stuff that annoys me, but making it funny (god i hope) has helped.

but i might start peeing in their coffee (thanks corey!).

this is relevant to me today as i had two confrontational episodes. but i'm glad i had them instead of letter writing, i might still be thinking it was the way it was presented to me. this won't make any sense until i post. sorry. i should have shut up. i will now.

Megan@SortaCrunchy said...

I've done the letter writing thing, too. It helps me to get it out while I am still feeling mad or upset, then I can look back a few days later at the situation and decide if 1)it really was a small thing i should let go, or 2) if it is actually a big thing that needs to be discussed and now I can do it having calmed down and gotten the right perspective on the situation.

Bubblewench said...

I do that too. Usually I write emails and stick them in my draft file. Eventually I delete them.

Jeff & Lisa said...

Okay, I am going through that with my MIL who is now living with us. I don't ever say anything, but I have started to walk away now because I have been so close to yelling and freaking out. I just can't do that...she's 75 after all. I could give her a heart attack or something. I don't know what to do because she is causing me some serious....well EVERYTHING!

Jo Beaufoix said...

I do that sometimes too. Then I burn it or shred it.

It's good to let go sometimes.