Thursday, May 31, 2007

Dear Children

Dear Children,

As you get older and wiser you will begin to think that I have gotten older and dumber. This is not the case. Please understand this now. It will save us both a lot of time and anguish.

I was once your age. (Yes it was in the "olden days".) I thought MY parents didn't know anything. I thought I was smarter than them. I thought I knew all the tricks. My friends even shared some things that worked with their parents. I've tried them ALL. And the ones that I didn't try, your father did. Sure we got away with some things, but believe me, my parents knew I was up to something.

So, here is a list of excuses that don't work:
General excuses
1. All my friends are doing it. (We've already had the bridge talk, you know the one.)
2. I need ______ to be cool. (Already done this too. You're cool in my book and that's all that matters. Someday you'll understand.)
3. It's not fair. (Life isn't fair. I'm teaching you this lesson early so you're not disappointed as an adult.)
Curfew related excuses
4. The payphone ate my quarter. (I've used every variation of this excuse. And, yes, we had pay phones in the olden days. This excuse works even less these days when everyone- except you, I know- has a cell phone.)
5. I fell asleep watching the movie. (Been there done that. No teenager falls asleep, much less watches a movie. Most of the time laughing and gossipping are going on during the movie.)
6. The car broke down/had a flat tire/ran out of gas. (Nope, not believing it.)
7. My watch died. (Definitely not. There are clocks everywhere, not only on your wrist.)
8. I forgot about daylight savings time. (No such thing here in AZ! Ha at least I got to try it when I lived in NY.)
9. I got sick. (Then you should have been home even earlier!)
10. I got lost. (Too bad we now live in the information age and directions are a phone call, button click or computer screen away.)

I'm sure you'll think of new ones. And I'm sure I'll blow all your devious plans to hell when I figure them out.
Just know that I love you and that's why I'm the mean mom. One day you will understand. I promise. Until then, take my word for it. It's NOT worth it.

Love, Mom

This was part of a group writing project called "Dear Children" hosted by Jordan at


Corey said...

Love it Lori! Especially the part about them thinking you are getting older and dumber. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO rue! tee hee

Meghan said...


Love that list.

You're such a cool mom, Lori.

Helen said...

Good one!

Mama Zen said...

Wow, those excuses do sound familiar!

Christine said...

Love these excuses. I need to share them with my teen daughter.

I'm just waiting for my cell phone's battery died!

Cool letter!

Jordan said...

Man, I know I thought that when I was a teen--and I used some of those excuses, at least one of which was actually true but my mom didn't believe me!

Keep steeling yourself; I'm sure you'll make it through all the teen years great. You're certainly smart enough ;) !

Thanks for participating!

Angela said...

LOL! Perfect! I'm going to print that, mail it to Liz. LOL

Thanks Lori!