Friday, October 26, 2007

Life as a Wife

Wife of a law enforcement officer, I mean.

Many of you know that my husband works for the US Government as a law enforcement officer. He's been doing it for almost 10 years.

When he first got the job I was so excited. He really wanted it. And the whole "man in uniform" thing isn't a bad deal either.

Then he actually started the job. And I was scared. REALLY, REALLY scared. I mean, I'm afraid to be home alone at night, I can't imagine what it feels like to be out in the middle of nowhere by yourself in the middle of the night. So many things could happen to him.

Luckily, he's only had to pull his gun a handful of times. MOST of the time he doesn't encounter real "bad guys". But, it only takes one. We've had many, many talks about this. I truly believe that he is VERY capable and trained very well for his job. But, it just takes one crazy person with a gun.

Unfortunately, we've been to too many funerals for men that have been in these situations. And they are heartbreaking.

The biggest scare comes when he is late coming home and I haven't gotten a call to say why. My mind starts racing. And then the phone will ring. And I'll be gripped with dread. I KNOW in my head that they'll come to the house, they won't call if something happens, but it still scares me. One time I got a call at 1:00 in the morning. When I answered it was his supervisor looking for him. But, he was supposed to be at work. SCARED THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME. Why couldn't they find him? Why would they call his house in the middle of the night looking for him? Didn't they know what that would do to me?

Come to find out they didn't realize he was on shift and didn't even try to radio him. And the supervisor was a single guy who didn't even think about how I would feel. He later called to apologize.

While I'd never ask him to do anything else, this job still scares me. I've gotten used to it over the years and don't worry like I used to. But, whenever the phone rings or I get an unexpected caller at the door when he's at work, it makes my heart still for a moment.

It's tough. My friends sometimes don't understand. They think it's cool and ask all sorts of questions about his job. But, they don't understand.

Only the other wives do. And thank God for them. I don't think I would've gotten through these last 10 years without them.


Ingrid said...

Oh, Lori. I think you handle it so well and with such strength. I would probably be freaking out all the time at first. But people do what they gotta do, risk becomes routine and people get used to it. Only not completely, as the middle of the night phone calls prove.

Big hugs to you.

CamiKaos said...

I don't think I could handle the stress of being married to someone in law enforcement.

Mr grandfather was a sheriff and we have cops in the family. Anytime I hear there's been a shooting or a "situation" on the news I'm in knots just praying everyone will come out safe and sound.

Mandy said...

I think the wives of police officers, fire fighters, and military men are truly amazing.

mielikki said...

That is difficult, I am glad you have a good support system in place. Without men like your husband, this world would be a miserable place. So, thanks to BOTH of you! :)

Mary Ann said...

That would definitely scare me too. My SIL is the wife of a police officer and she hates parts of it too. I can't imagine having to stay home by myself at night. I get scared on the very few times I have had to do it...not to mention being scared about his safety in general. You are one brave mama!

Jo Beaufoix said...

My Dad was a policeman before he retired, and he had a couple of bad accidents that my mum had to deal with. I was too young to remember, but I do remember her worrying if he was late, and he worries about us a lot too. He's seen so much bad stuff it makes him a bit overprotective sometimes, but I get why.

Laura said...

Big hugs, Lori! I can't imagine how nerve-wracking it would be to be married to someone in law enforcement. I truly believe that not only are police officers, firefighters, and law enforcement officials heroes, but their spouses and families are too. It's a definite sacrifice to have your loved one in a potentially dangerous position in order to preserve safety for all of us. You have my admiration!

Oh, The Joys said...

My husband isn't an officer of any kind (though he impersonates a ranger - a federal offense! but that is another story) anyway - I get freaked out that he is dead if he is five minutes late too... without a good reason like yours.

Amanda said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel. Hugs.

Megan@SortaCrunchy said...

When I want to start complaining about how "hard" my life as a coach's wife is (*rolleyes*) I just think of you amazing women who are married to law enforcement officers, fire fighters, and members of the military. Reminds me of how insignificant my gripes are!

Corey~living and loving said...

lots of love Lori. I really think you handle it well. It must be very difficult, and I am sorry your friends don't get it. hugs!

Lori- Fairytales & Margaritas said...

Thanks girls.
Ingrid- It does become rountine and sometimes that's what scares me.
Cami-Luckily I live off of stress.
Mandy- YOU have my utmost admiration, at least my husband can come home every night.
Meilikki- Thanks!
Mary ann- The nights are the hardest and unfortunately, that's the shift that works best for us as a family.
Jo- Yes, my husband is also the overprotective one.
Laura- Thanks!
oh the joys- I've seen your pics! My husband's uniform is similar!And you definitely have good reason, things happen every day.
Amanda- I know, thanks!
Megan- I'm sure being a coaches wife is hard too. Luckily Robert rarely travels.
Corey-Some do, I think you guys do. Others just think it's cool.

Erayne said...

You just wrote every thought I have too. I've been in tears before because he's been late and not answered his phone. I freak easily. I can't wait till he retires lol. :)