Get out the Kleenex!

What is it about this time of year?

It makes me all sappy and weepy. Even though I'm not hormonally pregnant this year (imagine that)! Maybe that's why this year is even worse than normal.

I am trying to cherish every holiday with my kids while they are little. I swear, I get panic attacks just thinking about how they will get older and move out. And what if they move far away and we don't spend the holidays together? That causes me some serious heart palpitations! I know my parents are having a hard time with this. All the kids are grown and out of the house. We now have to coordinate with our small immediate family, plus in laws, plus extended families. We'll probably do Christmas with my parents the Saturday before Christmas. This leaves them all alone for the actual holiday. I invite them to come to our house (as we don't like to make the kids travel on Christmas day), but I know they won't. I makes me sad to think that someday that might be us (although I'm pretty sure I'd rather drive two hours to my child's house than spend the day alone).

This year is the first year that Jocelyn can appreciate Christmas decorations. Seeing her eyes light up the first time she saw the Christmas tree brought tears to my eyes. Pretty soon it'll just be routine to her and not awe inspiring . And that makes me sad.

Xander is just starting to understand the whole "Santa thing". It's so funny to hear him ask his questions about Santa and how he gets here and gets the presents here. He doesn't understand why he didn't get a "Diego camera" the other day, right after he sat on Santa's lap. It's so cute to see his innocence. In a few weeks we'll go on our yearly trip to The Polar Express. I can't wait to see his reaction this year. I'm sure that'll make me all teary too.

And then every day our radio station grants "Christmas wishes". People write in about people they know that are going through hard times and that might not be able to provide a Christmas for their children. Then the radio station grants the wish. They give the family clothes, toys, gift certificates to the grocery store, a Christmas tree and usually they help with their utilities and rent. It gets me every time. Every single time. I drive to work bawling like a baby. It's amazing what people can do for each other.

And then the commercials. How about the commercial when the son (he's in his early 20's) buys and suit and shows up unexpectedly at his mom's house for the holidays? Sobbing like a baby here! They tug at my heartstrings!

I guess I'm just turning into an old sap. I'm happy with my current life and I get all weepy when I think about how it has to change. I wish I could just freeze the kids in time. I don't want them to grow older. I want Christmas to be special and cool for them forever. I always want them to spend it with me. I want everyone to get everything they want for Christmas. I want to believe in the good of people everywhere.

So, pass the tissue please.